The Writings of Samantha Peters

Fictional short stories, poetry, and short essays written by Albuquerque-based writer, Samantha Peters. All opinions are exclusively hers alone.

Friday, June 19, 2015

Quiet Lover's Game

"Quiet Lover's Game"

Rain in the desert,

Like the desert tonight-

Lightning strikes twice.

Open all the windows and

Turn off all the lights

Sit in the dark, and despite

All the pitter-patter pouring down

Reminds me of the beautiful sound

Of your hands around my wrists

As we both drown.

Some crawl into bed

but I crawl in your brain

Throw a song across a stream

In a quiet lover's game.

Whisper I love you and you whisk my hair

Across my face, across a chair

One day in a tight embrace

We will dance like two birds

Who never flew out of place.

Monday, June 15, 2015

Letter to a Lover

"Letter to a Lover"

   Dear Lover,

  What would you do with a thousand dollars?

  When I was about eleven years old, I went to the bank with my grandma, who owned a couple of restaurants. She took out one thousand dollars in cash, and before she stashed it into an envelope, she handed it over to me to hold. I fanned the hundred's out like a Spades hand, waved it slightly, thinking, wondering, what would I do with it, if she just gave it to me flat out. I mean, what do you do with something valuable that you didn't earn?

  The sad truth is, most people squandor it. If you don't earn something, it makes it harder to be responsible. Case in point, you. You were my lover. You were more than that- more than a best friend, more than a confidant, more than ever sexual fantasy I ever had. I worshipped you. I dreamed of different ways of making you happy. I even kept a list for the future. You wouldn't believe what was on this list, by the way. You have no fucking idea what you are missing out on right now.

  But you didn't earn me. Maybe that's why you didn't quite see what you had, appreciate what was handed to you. It wasn't entirely your fault, any more than it would have been my fault if my grandma had given me that money and I had spent it all on milkshakes and movie tickets. At the time we met, you didn't know what you were stumbling across. Even after knowing me for awhile, it still hadn't quite sunk in. Part of that was you in disbelief. It makes sense, and I truly don't hold it against you. However, after awhile, it should have dawned on you. You really should have come around and realized the right thing to do with me is the same right thing to do with a random thousand dollars: invest. How you never came to realize that is beyond me.

  Or maybe you realize it now. You certainly seem to have some kind of realization that you fucked up royally. Perhaps you have realized that I'm the kind of girl you only hold in your hands once in your lifetime- doing it again, takes a significant, almost impossible, amount of work.

  You can't do it, I'm telling you right now. This investment opportunity has passed. But that doesn't mean you'll be poor. I believe you can find another chance. I think you are aware enough of yourself, of what you need to work on, to achieve that level of intimacy. You have a long time ahead of you, and a lot going for you, and a determination I've never witnessed in another human being before. The only thing is, will it be the same? Will you even appreciate it? I'd like to say you will, but that's entirely up to you. The only upside to letting you go was giving you a chance to grow- and I hope you take it.

  Everything else sucked. And it still sucks. I am a wreck- I have spent the better part of a year being a wreck over you. I keep telling myself how utterly stupid it is to allow someone to make me feel this way- because the truth is, nobody can make you feel anything. At any given time, you are 100% responsible for your own feelings. To live a life true to yourself, you need to become the master of your emotions, and not let them become the master of you. That doesn't mean you can't feel anything, it just means you aren't turned into a wreck of hurricane proportions every time you do. Well, I need to start practicing what I preach, because even as I write this, I can feel them coming on again.

  My head is filled with "why" questions, and the ironic thing is, I don't want to ask them. I don't want the answers. The answers are meaningless. The fact that the questions exist in the first place- that's what matters. The fact that there was room to question anything- from my perspective or from yours- that's where the poison lies. All it takes is one single shred of doubt to cause a crack, and before you know it, the house has fallen down. Maybe you'd say I'm the one that caused the doubt, in the endless hours I spent with you, the presents I made you, the letters I wrote you, the time and effort and seriously, MY ENTIRE FUCKING LIFE that was devoted to you, yet somehow, I caused the crack. Fine. I'll take on that blame. But in exchange for taking it, you have thrown a thousand dollars out the window, and guess what? Someone else has come along and is doing the smart thing- they're investing it. They're investing in me, and it's going to make them millions.


                                                                                            Your lover.


Tuesday, December 09, 2014

Homophobia and Misogyny: An Essay

  Lately, I have found myself thinking about the issue of gay marriage and anti-homosexual ideals in our country. I find this issue to be one of the most baffling ones of our time, which is probably what has made me dwell on it so long. I have thought in length about the Biblical angle, of people claiming they're against homosexuality because the Bible says its wrong. Although it's tempting to cite other Biblical viewpoints that are conveniently ignored as an argument against this stance, I've decided to dig deeper than that. Why do people choose to latch on to this particular Biblical belief and ignore others? If it is an act of convenience, what makes this convenience so much more desirable than that of the other ideals? More specifically, why is there so much hate towards homosexuals?

I don't think there's a single answer to this. If you could open up the brain of a homophobe and pull out the answers, they would vary from person to person. However, if you could dig deeper, into their other thoughts and opinions, a more fluent, connected answer may appear. I didn't come upon this theory lightly. I've chatted with people on both sides of the spectrum rather thoroughly. And even though they range in age, occupation, sex, race, and other factors, there seems to be one common thread among all of them, and it's not Christianity. No, it's misogyny.

I feel like most misogynists have absolutely no idea they are this way and would be reflective, if not offended, if called out on their stance. Society has created this image of the Abusive Man, the domineering, jeering, unrelenting annilator of anything soft and perceived as weak, namely the closest woman within their grasp. Unfortunately these men do exist, and even more unfortunately, get away with their brutal antics on a daily basis as the rest of us ignorantly move on. But they are just the tip of the iceberg of misogyny. They are, in a way, the "face" of it, the model in other words. So all a person has to do is compare themselves to this model, realize they have nothing in common, and sigh a big sigh of relief knowing they are not misogynists. Basically, a person can say "oh, I don't brutally beat women into a bloody pulp, so therefor, I love them!" and this the fallacy in which I have delved into.

You don't have to be an angry, spiteful, abusive person to be a misogynist. To me, anyone who has misogynistic tendencies is anyone who simply thinks women are inferior... not necessarily as "second-class citizens" per se, but just not capable of the same judgement-making level as men. I know a misogynist firsthand who has no problems at all with women striking out and making their lives their own in the world. He encourages them to do so, if anything. But he's still a misogynist in the way he speaks to and about women. He's not degrading them into objects, he just views them as "not up to par". He'll make comments such as "Well, you know, she's a woman" or "I know this woman, pretty smart". The second comment is very interesting because it implies that the listener would not automatically think of the subject as smart unless he expressly said she was. Think of the sentence without the comment. "I know this woman". Sounds quite a lot different, doesn't it? Hard to say which one sounds worse. What he should be saying is "I know someone" and then continue with his statement. "I know someone" is drastically different than "I know this woman, pretty smart".

What kinds of people do I find making these comments the most? If you suggested the homophobic ones, you'd be correct. You don't need a Stanford study to know there's a correlation between misogyny and homophobia. Ignorance causes misconceptions which causes distrust which causes fear which causes hate which causes violence. Almost any violent act can be retraced this way, whether it's against a woman or against a homosexual or any subject. But I believe there's more than just a correlation between misogyny and homophobia. I am beginning to believe misogyny is the actual cause of homophobia. Not the Bible, not revoltion at anal sex, not a lack of fashion sense. But misogyny, pure and simple.

Why do I believe this? Well, let's break down why misogyny exists in the first place. Most misogynists would probably "turn back time" and bring back the yesteryears of gender division. Women in the kitchen, men in the workplace. Women with fewer rights (for their own protection, of course) and men with all the decisions on their shoulders. Women with the babies, men with the money, and so on and so forth. These ideals of yesteryear were created to control women, as any educated person knows. Some men of ancient history were ignorant of a woman's true powers in comparison with that of a man's. They saw their mothers as having this huge gift, rearing the young and thus directly influencing the survival of the species, and they realized there wasn't anything they could do about it. Instead of thinking, "oh wait, they can't have these babies without us, and we should work together to create and raise them" they thought "oh crap, if they realize they have all this power, we will be their slaves". So they started to surpress them. They made women believe their only purpose was to be a vessel to infants. They had no rights, no say so, hardly anything at all to call their own. Through history different cultures molded and adapted this basic traditional way of thinking, but for the most part, it wasn't until recent history that it changed in any significant way. The misogynists of today have changed as well, like I said. A lot of them have no problem with the changes themselves, but they still need to "put women in their place" in any way they can, whether they realize it or not.

How did women's rights really come to be? Well most of the work was done by brave women. But men helped too. Just because a lot of men were misogynists doesn't mean all of them were. Today, many more men join the group of anti-misogyny. But if you really view straight men, really listen to how they speak of women, you'll still find traces of anti-female vernacular and opinion. Even some of the sweetest, most lovable men I know make me cringe with their off-handed comments about women that they simply don't see as offensive. These are men that love and cherish me, and want nothing but the best for me, and would never dream of taking my rights away from me, but yet... they still can't completely relinquish control of my life to me, even if all they can do is make a simple comment.

However, this is not true about the gays.

The gays love women. Why? Why do gay men not say things like "I know a woman, pretty smart"? Or "Well, she's a woman" and really actually mean something by it? They don't say these things because they feel no threat from a woman. Women are not vessels to perpetuate the species to them. It's not that gay men are not interested in the survival of the species (despite what Bible Thumpers may think), it's just they fundamentally realize that women will continue to have babies perfectly fine without them having to interfere and control it. In other words, they trust women. They trust them with the future of the species without a second thought, and then they go on with their lives. This drives misogynists crazy.

Then there are the lesbians.

These are women living without much influence, if any at all, of men. Misogynists cannot wrap their minds around this. How can women possibly live good, wholesome lives without the guidance of a man? How do they not crave the assertive, firm, overbearing presence of a male in their lives? Don't they want to be mothers, and therefor need a father to create their dream scenario? Discovering a lesbian couple with a baby is like poison to a misogynist. Here is a family without men. Survival of the species, without men. Again, they forget that it did take part of a man once upon a time to create that child and that they should not feel threatened. They only see what's right in front of them and that is the destruction of all they have worked for for thousands of years in one fell swoop.

But can they say this? When they go about their homophobic ways, can they say "oh we're doing this because we hate women"? No, stones thrown abound. In our society it is still acceptable to be homophobic, but if you actually admit you want women back in the kitchen, your voice will quickly be silenced. They have to find another route, and because so many of them happen to be Christian, they use that. When it doubt, throw the Bible around and quote Jesus. Who can argue with Jesus anyway? Even those of us not scared of the sky bully will often refrain from arguing with a Christian. It's not out of fear, it's out of sanity. Arguing about religion is like arguing whether or not Goldilocks really did break and enter into the Three Bear's House, or if their door being open assuaged her of any guilt. It doesn't actually have any merit because it's complete fiction.

And so they continue on, because there's no real debate. They're just blowing smoke. Those of us with half a brain know eventually gay rights will go the way of civil rights which went the way of women's rights and so forth. In the not-to-distant future, homosexuals will be allowed full marriage rights, and one day homophobics will be forced into the corner where the only stone they can throw is, "I know this homo, he's pretty smart."

Tuesday, November 18, 2014

"The Crow" a poem

This is one of my favorite poems I've ever written. I just wrote it one day, and didn't edit it or anything, just left it as it was. Sometimes it can be very refreshing to leave pieces in their first draft, original form. They might be rough, or could use improvement, but their organic energy is impossible to duplicate. 

"The Crow"

 I laid down flat on the calm cool grass
  and my eyes drifted open and closed,
  but through the blur I could see a crow
  perched up on the branch above me
  His neck darted back and forth and all around
  Making shapes out of the sand
  I thought its funny how we look up
  And those above us look down,
  We make shapes of the clouds and the trees
  And they make the shapes that form you and me. 
  I wonder, do I only exist because this crow
  Fancied me from twigs and dirt,
  And a broken straw and a ring of string
  and maybe a cloth pulled from a shirt?
  And as I lay here in this grass, a sculpture made
  Do all his crow friends gather round 
  To nod or judge or just hold punch?
  And is there one crow who shakes her head
  And another who beams with pride,
  Is there a crow who dances around
  A little pony by her side?
  And what happens when the artist crow 
  Spreads his wings and decides to fly?
  I hope he plucks me up with his beak and
  Pushes me into the sky
  And away we can go, away we can go,
  Until I've been in the sky so long
  And he's carried me so far,
  That at last my wings will start to form
  and I too, have become a crow.

Wednesday, October 29, 2014

Quiet Like the Fire

"Quiet Like the Fire"

My pulse-
It's quiet like the fire
Ripping through seeping through
The thrill that I admire
And you-
Sitting there like a sire
All alone, we're never alone
When we're dancing on the wire.

Saturday, August 23, 2014

"For Taylor"

"For Taylor"

Unlike the lamb frolicking in the fallen snow,

I fear not the wolf's claw nor his gaze's glow.

All night's warriors gather at my feet

But I do not slip under that lustful stampede

Perhaps my soul is akin to the cunning crow

Still to the night, bleak to the cold-

Or else I'm the shadow of the anglerfish

Thirsting for the blood of your heart's abyss

Regardless, in strength I hold a steathly plan

Which makes me immune to the EveryMan.

Friday, August 22, 2014

"One Fell Swoop"

"One Fell Swoop"

A ghost of the river I cannot drown

He sits and waits without a sound

When time's a tramp you cannot coax

Anticipation always seethes the most

Down on my knees I silently plead

A slip of a lover just out of reach

Strokes of a glance across my face

As the darkness trembles with my disgrace

Beyond my opalescent eyes strikes

A shudder so swift it strips me dry

The bluff of silence you held up fierce

My spade slayed so brisk it seered.

A victor obscured amongst the midst

Yearning not for the crave of the boundless glimpse

Rat-a-tat scuttle, night's gathered cry,

One fell swoop yields wrists untied.